March 2006
6 posts
A Cell Phone that Reminds You of the Importance of...
From Elisabeth:
“A cell phone that acts as a parrot—whenever it rings, it repeats the last bit of whatever it heard (conversation, especially). If the surroundings were silent then, the phone just vibrates.”
This would be especially useful if you said something horrible right before your phone rang. Having those words repeated over and over until you answered would force you to...
Inspired by The Magnetic Fields
A guy who is completely in love with his girlfriend is disturbed when he notices that the sun moves slightly in whatever direction his girlfriend is moving. “If you leave me, you’re going to take the sun with you, aren’t you?” he asks her. She smiles innocently and shrugs.
Every-Eye-Color-But-Blue-Eyed Boy (now with...
Every song ever written is about some person who is beautiful merely because their eyes are blue. Why are singers so obsessed with blue eyes? Because blue eyes are heaven-like? Well, so are harps, and you don’t hear harps in every song. Same with eternity, and you don’t hear any songs lasting forever, now do you?
The songwriting community needs to make a concerted effort to toss blue...
Someone who admits that future, more enlightened...
“Sure, future generations will think I’m a tyrannical fool, just like we now look down with scorn at our ancestors for slavery, the burning of witches, and the holocaust. But I can’t help it. I live in the here and the now!”
Give the losers their chance to speak
An Academy Awards post show that lets all the major nominees who didn’t win give the speeches they had prepared in case they weren’t big fat losers (which they were). Those speeches shouldn’t be lost to history simply because there can only be one winner.
Softcover books with book jackets
The best thing about hardcover books (well, second best thing) is that their book jackets are like convenient built-in bookmarks. So why can’t a softcover book have a book jacket? It would be more expensive than softcover books without the jacket, but cheaper than hardcover books and just as convenient as far as saving your place (though, of course, still more at risk of bending than its...
Tame Nightmares
This one comes from Tyson Schritter:
“Here is an idea I had this morning after a dumb dream I had:
Some guy is always having dreams with disappointing outcomes, such as losing a small bet, or his favorite sports team loses in the playoffs. But he never has real nightmares like being chased with a chainsaw or someone close to him dying. Having never had a ‘real’ nightmare, this...
The Big Brush
An unhappy husband brushes his teeth until his gums bleed. He’s avoiding going back to the bedroom with his hated wife.
A Vegan Chicago Style Pizzaria in New York
When I was in Chicago a couple of months ago, it struck me as odd that one style of pizza would completely dominate an entire city. Why would everyone in Chicago prefer pizza that has its toppings baked into the middle of its deep dish crust, with the tomato sauce on top of the crust? Because it’s the best?
Maybe, but then why would everyone in New York prefer pizza on really, really thin...
Selfish Ghost
The ghost of a dead grandfather enters the dreams of his living granddaughter, calling her to the afterlife, telling her how wonderful it is there, and how much he misses her. Soon after, this granddaughter dies in a freak accident, set up by the ghost of the grandfather.
“Isn’t it so nice here?” the grandfather’s ghost asks the newly arrived ghost of his granddaughter.
...
Too much of a good idea
I really like it when people say that someone had a good idea, but then took the good idea “too far.” It strikes me as absurd, although there are obviously cases where too much of a good idea finally turned it bad.
I asked Joe for an example. He cited us illegally putting up a billboard for our musical Who is Jim Holt? before it performed in Austin.
One night we found a blank...
Name your kid "Guy."
If I ever have a son, I kind of want to name him “Guy.”
I’ve always been drawn to that name. Guy Smiley, Bill Nye the Science Guy, Guy Fawkes, The Cable Guy, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Dates. When I took French in high school, my name was “Guy” (pronounced like “Ghee”). It has such a generic everyman meaning, but as a name, it’s not that common.
...
A Grandchild Desperate Preacher
A preacher is relieved when he finds out his spinster daughter is living in sin and pregnant. “Thank God!” he says, smiling to the heavens, much to his daughter’s surprise. “My prayers have been answered!”
I could see this in a movie that is trying to paint religion as more jolly than menacing.