A Risk-Averse Olympian
Terrified of falling and ruining his score, a highly-regarded Italian figure skater at the Olympics who won the gold four years previous decides to avoid all risk. Skipping jumps and spins and spirals completely, he just does simple laps around the rink - something he knows he can pull off perfectly - to very dramatic, thundrous classical music.
It’s kind of like a very slow, graceless speed skate round. Except that every once in a while, the skater will fling his arms around dramatically and duck, as if he just landed from a complicated jump. Nobody’s fooled. It’s obvious that he’s just skating in circles and flinging his arms. But everyone is pretty shocked.
After his song is over, he throws his arms in the air and bows profusely, looking into the audience lovingly, imagining their love coming right back at him. Since he hasn’t messed up in any way - never did anything deserving of a point dock - he expects to get perfect 6.0’s all around.
Unfortunately, under the new scoring system, he gets zero points.
A skathing indinctment of the new scoring system!
5 years ago