Having an Idealized Romance
This only works if you live near a college.
Find a classroom building on campus that has an attic that you can sneak into. Go there at night when nobody is in class. Walk around on the banisters, taking care not to rub aesbestos off of any bars you’re grabbing to keep your balance.
Find a spot somewhere near the middle of the attic that “feels right” to you. Kick out a ceiling tile to one of the classrooms below you. You should now be able to see one of the desks in the empty classroom. Go back downstairs to the room (hopefully it’s unlocked) and clean up the mess from the broken ceiling tile.
Go back to the attic the next day, with a rope. Spend the entire day looking down at that one desk. Eventually, someone you might potentially be able to fall in love with will sit there. Once that happens (if it doesn’t, you need to knock out a different ceiling tile or try another day), proceed to fall in love.
You’ll accomplish this by observing her like nobody ever has. Seeing her in her natural, unselfconcious state. Witnessing the inner core of her being from the vantage point of God, appreciating all of her little quirks, her silent gestures, even the way she holds her pen.
Look, she’s writing sanscrit when she should be taking notes! Bingo, you’re in love.
Now that you’re in love, and she even moreso (though she doesn’t know it yet), throw the rope down to her. She’ll instinctively understand your silent plea that she climb out of the dreary lecture and her ho-hum life into the magical, unreal world of your angelic embrace. She’ll grab the rope and you’ll pull her up as all of her classmates gape in awe. Then you’ll run away with her.
Ideally, the entire city will have iced over that day, and you’ll be able to iceskate through the streets of downtown, flying off cars and spraying ice on police officers.
In case it wasn’t actually meant to be, never talk.
6 years ago