A theory of insomnia
Last night I was having trouble sleeping. And as I tossed and turned, it occurred to me that maybe the reason was that (besides usually not going to sleep until 5 a.m.) I was refusing to leave the day behind me. In some sense I felt there was unfinished business in the day. I was still attached to the day. I hadn’t mentally accepted that the day was over and it was time to move on.
So I started building a theory around the idea that falling asleep is a somewhat Buddhistic release. A way of saying, “Okay. For good or for ill, this day is over. Bring on the next.” Just like dying is a way of saying, “Okay, this life is over. Bring on the next. Whether it be nothingness or eternal pain or whatever, I’m ready.”
If this allegory holds, then taking a sleeping pill to fall asleep sooner is the equivalent of assisted suicide to die earlier, but nevermind.
That’s why some people who are depressed want to sleep all the time. They want to leave all the days behind them. And people who are excited or upset about something that happened that day can’t sleep because they’re still focused on that day and not on moving on the next.
“Well, what about how you can’t go to sleep on Christmas Eve because you’re so excited about opening presents the next day? Isn’t that the opposite of what you’re saying?”
Well, crap. I hadn’t thought of that.
6 years ago