If The French Discovered America
A French guy who hates America invents a time machine to go back in time to kill Christopher Columbus because “America should never have been discovered.” But after he goes to the Spain of the past and brutally tortures and murders Christopher Columbus just before his first voyage West, this modern French guy encounters an especially ignorant 15th Century French Guy visiting Spain. When the modern French guy brags about killing Columbus, the 15th Century French Guy is ecstatic, exclaiming good riddance to such a heretic who dared question the flatness of the earth, and that he would have fallen into space anyway.
The modern French Guy is so horrified that any French person could believe such nonsense that he berates him mercilessly, explaining that he killed Columbus to prevent him from discovering two more continents, thus paving the way for the establishment of the worst, most powerful country in the world, The United States. He also explains evolution and a few other scientific facts this ignorant French guy may not know.
After this, the French guy goes back to the future, excited to live in a world where nobody knows about America, except for the Native Americans. But then it turns out that America has been discovered… by the French! Yes, the ignorant French guy he berated in the past went on to discover America himself, with the blessings of the French government, and with an all-French crew.
Curious, the modern French guy goes to visit the United States of France that he inadvertently helped create, and finds it to be a paradise of civilization, fine food, cooperation between French-speakers and a thriving population of Indians, art, scientific advancement, beauty, secularism, and non-imperialism.
Alt ending: The French guy finds that the country is exactly like The United States was: imperialist, no Indians, crude, fat, plenty of inequality, etc. The only difference is that everyone speaks French, so the French guy loves it.
4 years ago