Bear-Caught Salmon
My dad Ron Southan has an idea for a company that sells Bear-Caught Salmon. Instead of humans trying to capture every salmon they see - many of them miserable wretches of a fish that were born to be inedible - first a bear knocks it out of the water, and then humans take it and package it and sell it to upper-crust salmon consumers. The company that does this is called Bear Caught Salmon Corporation, and the slogan is, “Look for the Claw Marks.”
Since a bear has animal instincts, something alien to rational scientific man, a bear can intuit the quality of a salmon by sight and smell. Since the bear mistakenly believes it will be eating this salmon for itself, it will only knock out the choicest morsels from the river. The lower-quality cuts will be ignored and thus free to spawn and swim out the rest of their lives, inedible and unmolested. Little does the bear know, Bear Caught Salmon Corporation will be there to nab the good fish before the bear can sink its teeth into them, essentially turning all bears into potential slaves for an American corporation.
A danger is that eventually the bears will catch onto this human interference, and will knock out only the worst fish initially, wait for the humans to leave with this false stockpile, and then start pulling out the real stuff. That’s why every bear that unwittingly participates in this program must be shot after it finishes singling out the best fish. That way it can’t spread the word or cause any other mischief.
This bear homicide policy will disturb some consumers, opening the market for Bear-Safe Bear-Caught Salmon, for even higher income salmon consumers than those who flocked to standard Bear-Caught Salmon. But again, this will lead to a bevy of savvy bears outsmarting humans, so maybe Bear Caught Salmon Corporation could have a squad of hunters who tracks and kills these bears that Bear-Safe Bear-Caught Salmon companies spare.
4 years ago